“The gaslighting techniques are used in conjunction to try to make the victim doubt their own thoughts, memories and actions. Soon the victim is scared to bring up any topic at all for fear they are “wrong” about it or don’t remember the situation correctly.
The worst gaslighters will even create situations that allow for the usage of gaslighting techniques.”
Researching different methods of human behavior and interaction, even those which border on abuse, is a healthy practice which can lend itself to a story’s characters’ flare for the dramatic. Keep in mind this form of interaction called “Gaslighting” – so named after the play/film “Gaslight”.
As an important sidenote: you may know someone in your own life who has attempted to, or succeeded at, gaslighting you. If you’re able to draw on that experience for character development, then do so.
After reading this article, I hope we’re all a little more educated on the topic.
Gaslighting Definition, Techniques and Being Gaslighted – HealthyPlace.
I, too, have been gas lighted. Never knew until now that’s what it’s called. I understood that my ex-husband was manipulative and controlling but now I know there’s a name for it.
It’s commonly used on women. Here’s another article, and it’s very well-written by a rather insightful man who assures women that they are *not* crazy:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/yashar-hedayat/a-message-to-women-from-a_1_b_958859.html
Great article, thanks! It definitely brings up memories of my past. I’m glad to say that now I’m lucky enough to have a caring, supportive husband who encourages me to express my emotions instead of think they are irrational.
Thank you so much for this post.
My life has been one long struggle for my sanity while having been raised by my narcissistic mother, who, among other narcissistic techniques, used gaslighting to control me since my childhood. I had always felt something was so wrong with her grand “love” for me, I just couldn’t put my finger on it. And I rather allowed myself to be deceived by her than to believe that my own mother wanted to harm me just to satisfy her needs to control me in every sense, including what I should perceive as “reality”. .
Thus, when I first heard he term “gaslighting” – in the context of narcissistic parents – it was one of those enlightening heureka-moments. Incredibly sad emotionally but mentally incredibly liberating.
Totally been gaslighted. (Never knew the term.) I hope one day to draw on it for a story, but it’s too recent and my newer healthier relationships are too new for me to “go there” quite yet.
This is a form of lying that I guess many people take part in and don’t even know it. These people can include parents, teachers, friends, etc. I wonder if people who use it regularly even think about how harmful it can be.
I don’t think so. In my observation, it’s sometimes a family trait, in which case it’s so intrinsic to interpersonal interactions for those people that I’m sure they don’t even realise it’s not healthy or “normal.”
Thank you for writing this.
Hmmm … I had never heard of Gaslighting. While disgustingly dishonorable, I have a perfect use for it in my writing!
That is good to hear. This particular form of abuse-interaction works best for creating turmoil between characters, while building an environment out of paranoia and frustration. What’s really “perfect” about it is the fact that you can make it grow/coalesce from the beginning to the very end of a story, employing a calculated -and gradual- pace. Since gaslighting requires time for the degradation of another’s perceptions, self esteem, and overall sense of security, a clever writer can do wonders with it, changing (developing) the persona of the victim-character while exhibiting villainous traits in the abuser-character. Also do not forget that abusers cause change within themselves as they inflict abuse. Each interaction is just another chip away at their personality, whether it distorts them into something more monstrous or redeems them when they’ve discovered empathy and/or self-reflection.
Bottom line: it’s a crafty way to fuck with your characters.